Infidelity: Physical and Emotional

There's a blog that I read daily. I like his style, I like his honesty. I didn't even know who the hell he was, I'd never heard of him before but I was introduced by him by a tweet from one of my Twitter friends. And I became hooked.

Granted, I don't share some of his beliefs one certain things, people, music, places etc. But he's talented at getting his point through. His name is Shane Powers. If you'd like to read his blog here's the link http://www.shanepowers.com/

One of his resent posts got me thinking about what I believe on the subject. Cheating. Here's his thoughts on it and some interesting comment's by his readers. http://www.shanepowers.com/2010/02/cheating.html I highly recommend reading it.

I posted a comment of my own and instead of rewriting it, I'll just copy and paste for you my exact words.

"I believe that cheating shouldn't happen either way. If you want to get physical without emotion- One night stand, but not while you're already in a relationship that includes sex and emotion, not even when it's just a sexual fling with one person that will be for a short period of time.

If your in a relationship, but it's too early for sex for one parter and not the other- WAIT for the sex, don't go looking for a one night stand that'll have your head filled with your one night stand partner while you're with the person your in a relationship.

I believe being in a relationship should include it all, emotion, sex, communication, etc.

I am, by no means, traditional. I believe in getting pleasure when you can but being cautious about it, as much as you possibly can. I don't mean one night stand every night, that's just stupid and eventually you're appetite and stamina and time for sex is going to suck. It's always more pleasurable to have sex when your hot and anticipating after waiting for awhile.

If your not into commitment, don't go into a relationship with a person who is, only to emotionally abuse them- Because that is what that is. Find someone who wants a short fling as much as you do.

I could write more, but I'd rather not make a whole blog about it in a bloody comment.

Much Peace and Magic,

Amber ♥"

As you can see I wrote quite a bit on the subject already. But there is something that I did not touch on. "Emotional infidelity." I do not believe in such a thing. Maybe that's because I already don't show my emotions or express them very often in any manner. I don't believe in expressing emotions only to have them used against you, I've had that happen. And even before it happened I didn't express my emotions anyways.

If you're an emotional person and you get hurt when your romantic and/or sexual partner expressed their emotions to anyone but you- I think it's ridiculous. Now I can understand being hurt about it when your married or engaged to be married. But when it's just a fling, long relationship (up to a year), or a friendship, it's absolute rubbish to me if you get hurt.

I am not, and read this clearly, calling anyone who does get hurt when this happens, an emotional idiot with no right to get hurt. I am simply not that kind of person, so far. Everyone is different. I am simply saying that I think it's wrong to feel hurt when your not sure if your relationship is going to last. Emotion is a highly personal and intimate idea. And sharing them can leave you vulnerable and leaving yourself vulnerable to a single person is something I view as compromising and confusing.

Unless it's with someone you trust 100% which to me, is absolutely amazing. Unless it's family or a friend that you've known long enough to know you can trust them 100%. I have a couple of those kinds of friends. And still, I don't nearly express my emotions to them, as much as I probably should.

These are my opinions. I'd love to hear yours.

Simple As That

Someone told me a few days ago that I'm so confident. I mentally scoffed. The same person told me I was pretty, I told them "I'm not, but thank you."

I've looked in the mirror naked for 2 minutes. Every day. I walk away from it as fast as I could because I was so disgusted and put off and saddened by what I saw. Me. I saw me as a fat girl, with crooked teeth and an acne embraced face.

I've become self loathing.

And it kills me inside.

I think about this every night. I think about how terrible I look. And I cry. I tell no one. Not even my mom or Nan or best friends.

I understand that no one is perfect. I understand everyone has flaws. I know that the girls on TV, magazines, and the like have body flaws too and that they're just covered up better than most girls. I honestly do. I know that looks should not be everything. And I know they aren't.

So here's the "but"... I have nothing to be confident about. Not one thing. I have no talents, though some say I do. I don't have an absorbent memory. I don't have a healthy, athletic or thin body. I don't have clear skin. I don't have straight teeth. I don't have any natural beauty. Hell, I don't have any courage. I don't have anything to be confident about.

And I'm saying this to a cyber world of strangers who probably think I'm nothing but a teenage whiner on a "Woe is me" fest.

But I know I'm not. I just....I can no longer keep this inside of my, eating at me. I'm beginning to hate myself and that scares me.

I'm 180 pounds of fat.

I'm a teenage scary cat with no social life.

I'm a talentless nobody.

I'm a lost, lonely and self-loathing girl.

You tell me different and I won't believe you.

Simple as that.

My Official Last Post of 2009 with a Requested Review

I said in my last post that I might write another post. So I am. The only problem is that, once again, I've no idea what to write about. I've written about some changes that will start in our next year. I even got emotional writing it.

Well I could write my review of "New Moon" that was requested of me or I could write about some statics I learned about New Years Eve or I could write as I eat the box of nerds I'm indulging myself with.

Or I could tell you how statistics say that on New Years Even an average of 421 people die in car accidents as I eat these nerds and write and tell you that I thought New Moon, the movie, was better than New Moon the book. Or I could do it the other way, switching around the subjects a few times but I think you get the picture.

Oh I've got a question for everyone? Why do people make such a big bloody deal about vampires that sparkle and werewolves that have hot human abs? Err, I mean werewolves that grow exceptionally fast? I mean seriously, the Twilight Saga is not a big deal at all. Okay so there's vampires and werewolves in the movie, but Underworld and Van Helsing and Dracula have those and they have a MUCH BETTER story to it. And the characters are more evolved and detailed than Meyer's characters.

I'm not hating on the Saga, like I said in my Twilight review. I'm simply stating the facts. Here's what New Moon has as pros:

• Robert Pattinson, who I have to admit, is handsome in his charming, ruffled way and he's not too bad of an actor. I'd like to see him do more interesting and complex movies that have a dynamic character in which he has to work hard at portraying such a character and in such a complicated and better written movie. Because I personally think he could rock at it. But we'll have to see. I believe he has a new movie coming out soon. I'll have to see it and review.

• Taylor Lautner, who is a wonderful actor of his age, and he's really, I can't believe I'm going to say this juvenile word- Hot! Other than his hot muscles (thank goodness I'm still 17 and can say that without sounding like a pervball) he's quite the actor, hell I loved him in "The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl" because he played his character to the T. (Whatever the "t" means cause I haven't a bloody clue.) I'd like to see how he'd do in a movie where he had to play a man with multiple personalities. That would be a challenge.

• Kristen Stewart, I think a lot of the guys go just to see her because she is pretty but her acting does need some work. I wasn't too impressed, hopefully the movies she's in will be better for her. I'd like to see her in an action packed movie that gave her a lot of challenge and punch. Maybe if she portrayed a character that seemed to have more emotions than just love, sadness and fear then maybe she could truly prevail.

• The Cullen Clan- The actors in the Cullen Clan were portrayed wonderfully. Alice, Rosalie, Esme, Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle. Otherwise known as – Ashley Greene, Nikki Reed, Elizabeth Reaser, Jackson Rathbone, Kellan Lutz, and Peter Facinelli. They were absolutely, without a doubt wonderful. I especially liked Jackson's performance because it's hard playing a guy who looks like he's in pain and walks like he has a stick up no where fun. And Ashley….whew, her portrayal of Alice was perrrrfect.

• The New Bad Clan- The Volturi. I like this twist, it's the only good one I believe was made in both movies. Twilight's bad guys were just "bad guys" they had no real power over seven good vampires. But the Voluri had power, all over Italy and even over other vampires in other parts of the world. So Meyer did right by them, as did the movie.

• The Audience of Young Girls. I know a few young girls and immature teenage girls and know what they what and see. An immortal guy who falls deeply in love with a girl who is just herself. A dream guy for a lot of girls. And also, a buff softie at heart who's loved a girl since they made mud pies….Without those girls, this movie would probably not have made as much as it did.

• The "Other Worldly" with feelings- Girls seem to love the whole "They're supposed to be bad but are good and fall in love anyways" persona of the supernatural. And what's not to like? A good, handsome, blood sucking immortal who wants a girl intensely. A hot guy with fur who loves a girl with the depths of his werewolf heart. I mean, come on, I've heard better stories that haven't gotten quite the attention that the Twilight Saga has. Yes, Underworld and Van Helsing being two of them. And both have romance and the supernatural and MORE.

That pretty much sums it up. The last bullet paragraph was more sarcastic on my part but hey, it's true…I could go on and on but the Twilight Saga doesn't warrant that kind of time and my fingers really are sore, as is my shoulder.

My point is this- The Twilight Saga is a good chick flick to watch as well as a whimsical movie to relax with. But it's not as big of a deal as it apparently is to some people. Want a list of "Big Deal" movies? Here- The Dark Knight, Angels and Demons, Public Enemies, Transformers 1 & 2, Taken, Push, Knowing, Lakeview Terrance….Those are just the few I've seen. There are a lot more I need to catch up on.

But I like watching the Twilight Saga, or the only two movies out so far because it's mindless good fun and it's a good movie to sit down and relax with as you eat yummy fattening candy. That's my opinion…..What's yours?

Stereotyping and Jazz

October 10, 2009


My mom is a beautiful mom and person who likes peanut M&M's. Yes indeed. I told her I was writing a blog post and she said to me "You should tell them about how beautiful I am." So I am. I'm actually writing this in a car next to her, unfortunately. But she won't be able to read what I write since she is the one driving. I don't tell her what I write about, I don't tell her what I think about most things. I don't think she'd understand. But that's that right?


Plus I'm not a very good communicator. I can write my feelings better than I can tell about them and even better than I can show them. I very rarely show what I feel. I don't think my own family knows what my beliefs, emotions and thoughts are. Most of my own friends do not know how I feel. I don't want to disappoint them nor my family with what I feel.


It's hard to write about this in a car with the one person, whom I love unconditionally, in here. So I will not.


I knew what I was going to write about when I first logged onto my computer, but I find myself not wanting to. Maybe another time. Right now there is some music on. Halestorm, a band I recently heard and absolutely love. "I Get Off" is the song. Yes, if you are mature enough to know that phrase's meaning, it is exactly as you think. It's not distasteful, it's actually a very simple and slightly erotic song. It's not soft at all though, it's hard rock and an awesome song to sing to when your alone (I would know) and probably a good song to sing to your sexual partner (that I wouldn't know) it's just a guess though.


In my first post I mention I have a wide taste in music, which is true. I'm very recently getting into Jazz. But I'm picky about it. I like the soft, velvety voice of a man singing to a soft and haunting, harmonizing instrument. But I like Jazz more when it's just the instrument itself. I don't like the upbeat kind of Jazz though. Not so far. I like it when it makes your skin tingle, your heart bounce. When it gives your spine a tickle and chill because of the beauty of it. When it makes your whole body plunge into different sensations all at once that confuses you and dazzles you.


That is by far the best Jazz.


Unfortunately, I've only heard little of that kind. If anyone has any kind of recommendations I would gladly listen to them. I try to listen to an artist's song first and decide if I like their sound. I don't really go by genre but by sound. For instance I like a few of Carrie Underwood's songs and Taylor Swift's songs. They are considered country. I don't find myself liking a lot of "country" music though. I don't judge a genre but the artists themselves. And as I notice it's usually the other way around for a good majority of the world. The judge the genre more than the artist. Every artist has their own unique sound. A genre does not. It's exactly like classifying a person into one specific group. Stereotyping. People stereotype people and music into group because they don't see one person, or artist as ONE unique person.


Let me give an example of a stereotyped person I know. My friend Dyno. (It's not her real anme but I'm not putting her real one on here.) Some people would stereotype her as a nerd, bookwork, geek...stuff like that. She's very intelligent. She can memorize nearly everything you give her. Though she cannot not remember where she put her own backpack, purse, keys, drink, etc. But though she is intelligent, there is more. She's a random creature who often just says something completely mind-numbing and surprising that it makes you have to think about what she said a few times before you get it. She's clumsy. Though thankfully I put her into high heels and showed her how to walk in them and now she loves them and hasn't broken her ankle. (Knock on wood.) She loves shoes and clothes. And thanks to me, make-up. She's a rebel too. She probably wouldn't see herself that way, but she is. And she knows how to argue, annoyingly so. It's hard to beat her but I think we're tied so far on number of wins.


She has different tastes in different things and friends and places. She can not be classified as one specific thing, much like an artist.


I hope I've done my best to explain my view on this. If not- tell me and I'll try again.


Each person is unique, not to be classified with a stereotype, unless they are boring enough to CHOOSE to be stereotyped.

Paranormal Activity

October 7, 2009

No subject. I have none for this blog. I didn't exactly plan to do a blog today. But today is such a slow day that I figured I'd write something. Because I mean, writing just kinda let's things out of you that you didn't really know you had in you to say, or well type. So I’m going to go on about the first thing that pops into my mind about today which is- Ah. Got it.

Paranormal activity.

Simple as that. And yet it is not. It fascinates me, intrigues me and captures my attention. Especially today. Let me tell you why…

I’m a Tweeter. Not as in a bird. Though I could try to tweet as one but I’d probably sound like a cat throwing up. Not pretty eh? I’m a Tweeter as in Twitter. I’m addicted and love it for many different reasons. One being- it brings many different people to my attention. I’m picky as hell when it comes to people to follow. But this one woman in Scotland captured my attention.

The night before I had heard noises in my home right as I lay down to bed and then tweeted about it. A follower therefore suggested paranormal activity. I don’t think it is. It’s probably just pipes, wind blowing branches against the house and animals. But trust me; I would love it if I did have an entity in my home, as long of course it didn’t threaten personal safety. Or scare the shit out of me. Because I mean, who wants that if you have to live with it all the time?

But this said follower retweeted what I said and one of her followers saw it and started talking to me. She believes her house has paranormal activity. And she is frightening by a few of her experiences, and it's not just her who's had them. I told her to take a few pictures at night with her camera and to record the night with a camcorder and go through it after wards. I also asked if she looked up her house's history and according to her she did and it had a not so picture-pretty history.

Then I went and looked up some Paranormal Investigative Groups that TAPS (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) had recommended for Scotland, because this woman is from Scotland. I gave her the names and contact information because she asked me to help her finding some help. I wasn’t about to turn her asking of help when she was frightened.

It’s sad how close-minded people can be about such things. She told me I’d been the first to take her seriously. Now I don’t have any proof this paranormal activity is real, I don’t know if what she says is true but I’m a pretty open-minded person to such things, so I’m going to take her word for it that she believes it’s happening.

This woman, whom I will not name since I’ve no permission to, told me she would keep me updated and I sincerely hope she does because I am interested in how it goes.

Now- I am not, by any means, an expert with the Paranormal, I’ve had no experience or skill with such things. But I’d like to learn. In fact I’d love to learn. I watch Ghost Hunters every Wednesday, well almost every Wednesday, I sometimes miss it. So I remember a few of the methods, gadgets and such that they do use.

Personally, I do believe that there are unexplained things how there that we are not meant to understand fully. But why should that stop us from trying? Why should we leave it be? If I had paranormal activity in my house I’d sit there talking to whatever is there. I don’t care if people think that’s crazy, stupid, immature or anything like that. I’m interested in it. Probably always will be.

There’s a Paranormal investigation at a supposedly “Haunted” hotel around my area every year for people who are interested. It’s a little over $250 to participate but I think I’ll do it next year when I get the money to do it. Yes, yes I think I will. Like I said in the beginning, it fascinates me. To think that souls either are left behind or choose to stay behind or just simply are. There are so many theories to why entities are on Earth. And I find them all so intriguing and almost genius.

Why can’t there be entities here? We humans are here are we not? Animals, plants, insects (as disgusting as most of them are) and all sort of other things. So why the bloody hell not Ghosts?

“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” – Hamlet, Shakespeare