Stress and a Birthday In Vegas

So, you know how life just gets in the way? Yeah, it's exactly what's been preventing me from posting here. I've barely had time to get on the computer until about two weeks ago. So I have some legal issues that I can't talk about really, but they are seriously stressing me out. I'm getting little gray hairs (NOT a joke) and it's pissing me off and I randomly cry. Which makes me furious because I'm not a crier!

Let's just saw, I'm unemployed, don't get unemployment benefits and have essentially no money.

I'm no longer going to physical therapy (not my choice) so I'm still not completely healed and I still hurt like crazy. It's not as bad as it was but I can't lift, push or pull more than 15 pounds. And to think I used to be able to lift 60 pounds with no problem!

Ebay isn't really helping too much. I get enough to pay small bills but that's it.

Anyways, until I'm no longer completely stressed out, which will hopefully will be in two weeks because in a week my mom and my aunt are treating me to a Vegas Birthday Bash. I turn 21 in one week. And they're taking me to Vegas on my birthday, cool right?

Hopefully it'll help me relax. No gambling, unless I get birthday money but I doubt that. But I get drinks and I love the city and pool-hopping will be fun! And the architecture  oh God I could drool! And maybe I'll see someone famous again, that would make my year!

Oh, yeah as for the "again" part, I met Peter Facinelli in April this year, but here in Arizona =) He's the guy who plays Dr. Carlisle Cullen in the Twilight series, and Dr. Cooper in Nurse Jackie. He's was very down-to-earth and gracious. And he follows me on Twitter, which is just plain awesome of him. But that's a story for another post.

I'll do my best to update in two weeks.

XOXO!

20 Reasons Why I Love Twitter

Yes, you read that title right. I'm going there. And if you're brave, you'll read this list I've prepared for my lovely readers. For clarification, these are not in order of favorites or reasons, they are utterly random.

1) It gives me the chance to talk to anyone that is not in my family. As harsh as that may be, Facebook is for family, twitter is for friends, random awesome people, and celebrities; whereas Facebook is just for family and friends.There's just some thing you don't want to have your family to know and comment on.

2) I get to know things that people NOT on Twitter usually do not know. Like about the history of the computer. I can't tell name how many times I've learned something new from someone I don't even know, from across the world...slight exaggeration but the east coast feels like worlds away to me.

3) I get the daily news from other countries that I've never been to but seriously would love to visit.

4) I've gotten to know quite a few amazing people who happen to speak English and those people are in other countries, so I love that.

5) It's a challenge for me to say what I want to say in 140 characters. And I love challenges when it comes to writing...well and sometimes life but I'd rather the challenges not be blown up in my face all at once, like right now.

6) There's this awesome account under @olv that tweets about where a lot of my favorite shows are being filmed so that maybe if I'm near by I can catch a glace at how the TV show shooting thing works, as that's one thing I would love to do (being on a show I mean.) Alas, nothing in Arizona yet.

7) The above brings me to celebrities- bands, artists, actors, actresses, athletes, authors, producers etc. I will tweet to them in response of some of their tweets and I do it quite frequently. No, I don't expect them to reply, because obviously there's too many mentions for them to reply to everyone. (Note- That doesn't mean I don't get excited when someone does respond, or favorites one of my tweets to them....Like @Gabriel_Mann favorited one of my tweets to him, asking him to tell my mom a happy birthday because she loves him and the show...which so do I.)

8) The above got me thinking about one of the most wonderful people I've encountered on Twitter. She's funny, sweet, kind, honest and dear Lordy so many other adjectives. It's the lovely, amazing @Alyssa_Milano who has been graciously following me back for quite a while. It's not just because she's a celebrity that makes me love Twitter and her, it's her tweets as well because she tweets about various things. Her life, sports, quotes that inspire, charities she wants people to be aware of, her beautiful son, and she actually tries to respond to her followers as well. And she often retweets!

9) Twitter gave me a friend who understands my hardships and shares with me hers. She's a wonderful person who I feel I can be honest with and I adore her. She's the reason I'm continuing my blog and trying to make at least two posts a week. I only know of her as Svetlana, but she is dear to my heart.

10) I. Learn. A. LOT! From a lot of different people on various subjects and if that's not the coolest thing than I don't know what is...well besides the technology we have today.

11) Twitter is another form of a blog. Really, it is. It's just short sentences that we update on our own time in our emotional frame of mind. There's a psychology on Twitter and its Tweeters, that's how complex and diversified it is. But in all seriousness that I can produce at the moment, Twitter is a blog that allows us to update who ever wants to know about what we are doing, how we are feeling, what our interests are, what our dislikes are, what our political views are, what our worldly views are...etc. It's just that we are forced to keep it in sentences instead of long posts of paragraphs and lists. (Like this!)

12) There are no game invites. One of the biggest reasons I hate Facebook is because of all the freaking game invites. And really, if I haven't accepted the hundreds of invites by now, why keep sending me them? Like really. Thank you to the creators of Twitter that allow me to speak my peace...in non-game invite peace.

13) This is my favorite and lucky number. So I'm just going to add, in a subject that is not Twitter, that I will be 21 on May 21st and be in Vegas in 2013! So I'm going to be lucky in Vegas and it's going to be a lucky year for me...I'm going to keep that in mind everyday so I don't have posts like the last one. But I'll give another reason on why I love Twitter...his name is Matthew Gray Gubler @GUBLERNATION and he plays in Criminal Minds as Dr. Spender Reid. I adore him in that show and from what I can tell from his tweets, he's a fun-loving, sweet, silly, handsome thing of a man.

14) Back on subject, Twitter is fun. You have all those trending topics you can talk about and it gains you new friends you didn't realize you could ever have. Personally, I like to talk about the shows I watch with hashtags on them because I'm gaining friends who love what I do.

15) You can tweet all day long and there's never an annoyed person. On Facebook, if you post things all day, they delete you or are at the very least annoyed by your posts. With Twitter, that doesn't happen. And if it does it's rare, because I tweet like mad sometimes and people don't tell me I'm annoying.

16) Not only am I introduced to new information but I'm introduced to new products, different and new music, odd, quirky pictures, beautiful designs and pictures...etc. Which is so fantastic because it's like my Twitter feed is a mall.

17) I can follow and be followed by companies that I can refer back to if I need to and spread the word to my friends about different companies based on their needs. It's really cool to say to your friend, "Hey I know your back is in some serious damage but I know a doctor that works in a company not far from here that can really help you." Kind of makes me the go-to person with my co-workers and family.

18) You can share anything you desire, and rarely does anyone comment on how sexual, stupid, gross, odd, disturbing, inappropriate, silly, selfish, unimportant etc., that what you shared is. Again I'm ragging on Facebook.

19) I can ask for advice on technology I'm thinking about buying and not only do I get it and a lot of it, but I get it free. It's awesome and saves time and money.

20) Twitter changes in new, better ways that suit most of the users of the social media site. It's exciting to find a new way to do something or say something or find out something and Twitter gives its users that.

So there are my reasons for loving Twitter, and I'm sure there will always be more to come my way. There's always a surprise when it comes to life, science, people, technology, and Twitter. Again, another reason!

An Explosion Of Pain Counteracted By A Laugh

They say laughter is the best medicine. 


I've had a headache all day due to lack of sleep for the past two nights and probably a mix of other things I'm choosing to ignore. 


It's an explosion of pain. Like this....

No joke.


Now, I have a strange sense of humor. I can laugh at something no one else will and I can laugh at something that is funny but not worth a full laugh in another person's perspective. 


I was tweeting and looking through tweets when I read something that made me hackle a full out belly laugh. 


The reason is @windowsot and his tweet "I do not like DMs with Spam, I do not like green eggs and ham. The online bots are all the rage, but please put them all back in their cage" 


I was almost in tears. And I don't think, normally, it would cause others to crack into anything but a smile and chuckle. Not me. My headache is almost gone, despite having laughed so loudly. 


Best medicine indeed. Thank you Robert!  (AKA Windowsot) 

 

Was Feeling Bad but then I saw THIS

For all of my Twitter friends- if you aren't grinning at this you need to tweet some more!

Three Days; A New Discovery

Three days.

Three days and I haven't tweeted. Three days and nothings changed. Three days and all I've been doing is think. Think. Think.

About everything. What I'm doing, how I'm doing it, why I'm doing it. What I feel, how I feel it, why I feel it. What I'm not doing, what I'm not feeling, what I'm not saying...or in this case what I'm not writing.

I've been out of school for a year and a month. I dropped out because I decided that instead of going to the crappy school that I went to I wanted to get my GED. Same basic thing as graduating, no?

I started looking into it, started looking into going into a community college. What I wanted to do, I haven't a clue. And I'm still clueless. Though I have some ideas. I like to write, so an author...if I'm good enough. Criminal Profiling interests me, so a Criminal Profiler...if I can get through it. Photography eludes me but I'd like to take classes, so maybe a Professional Photographer....if I like it and am good at it.

If. If. If. That's all that runs through my mind when I think about something. I think, "I could act, be in a play or movie....If I'm good enough, if I can remember everything." "I could write a best seller novel, something dark, mysterious and beautiful...If I detail it enough, if I can write well enough." "I could be a criminal profiler...If I can handle it, if I'm intelligent enough to understand it all."

If. That word seems to haunt me, everyday. Why? Low self-esteem, no confidence. Why? Why am I cursed with those maddening, horrible traits.

Even though I'm not confident and have a low self-esteem I am not a follower. But I'm not a leader either.

Loner.

I'm a loner.

I "hang out" with no one. I haven't "hung out" with anyone in 6 months. I last saw my two best friends in December, when I gave them their Christmas presents. But that was for two hours so it wasn't hanging out. By hanging out I mean having almost a whole day with someone that is not a relative.

For the past two months, there's been something bothering me. Everyday. Every minute. Every second. And I didn't know what it was, I didn't understand it. Why I felt so... empty, hopeless and lost.

Now I know one of probably the many things that contribute to these particular feelings.

Loneliness.

I'm lonely.

I've been lonely for a year, but I didn't know this. I didn't understand this. I still don't. For the past year I've had my mom, brothers, family and a few friends I rarely hung out with. Maybe that made it a bit easier.

Now this...feeling of loneliness is sharper, harder, and fuller.

I have my Nan now, and don't get me wrong I love being around her, I love every minute I'm with her. But I'm still lonely. This I don't understand.

I'm in a new place, for the next three months. And though I have an Uncle and two cousins, both male, I rarely see them cause they both work, both have lives. And then my Nan. Only my Nan.

I don't understand.

So I've written about the word, If, that haunts me and this new, discovered feeling of loneliness.

And I'm still clueless. I don't know what to do.

Absolute Truth: The Lie Within Myself

Years. Months. Weeks. Days. Hours. Minutes. Seconds....They all pass by so fast sometimes. It's hard to catch up to life. And when I do, I don't ride life. I let it ride me. For weeks I've been pondering about how to write this post, and about how I would handle officially posting it. Because this blog post of mine won't be like my others. This one will not be censored by anything. It will not be about anything but myself, how I feel, what I fear, who I am....nothing but me. And if that interests you, then I'm surprised. If not, you can imagine I'm not surprised.

On Twitter I am known as Gypsyladyamber, just as I am here. On Twitter people say I am confident, funny, outgoing, and positive with a zest for life. They also think I'm older than I am apparently. Which is a a very good compliment considering a lot of people my age seems complete dunderheads. And some think I'm British. I've ignored that. I figured the mystery of not knowing my age, or what Nationality I am, would keep my followers interested because I'm already not interesting.

In order for me to be completely truthful in this post I do have to let the mystery fade and brake. So here it is. I am 17 years old, I live in America and am not British. My name is Amber and I live with my mother. My father just died in October, I only just started to know him because I only just found him in Febuary of 2009 and I didn't even get to meet him. We only got to talk by e-mails and phone. I had a step-father to the age of 14 and unfortunatly he is still in my life and I fear, will always be in my life. I have no job and I am studying for my GED that i hope to take sometime next year when I feel I'm ready. And while I consider myself to be a Gypsy I do not consider myself any of the things that my Twitter followers and Twitter friends consider me. Not even what my own family and friends consider me.

I am weak. I am a coward. I am fearful. I am a lie within myself. I try so hard to portray a confident young female who knows where she is going and knows what she wants. But I am not. But apparently I can fool people.

And I'm scared. I'm scared down to my bones because I am scared of things that it seems no one else around me is afraid of. For instance, I am afraid to drive. I'm fine in a car if someone else is driving but the idea of myself being behind the wheel and controlling it is damn frightening to me. I don't believe I'd be a good and well-rounded driver. I don't think I can handle it.

And even when someone else is driving I get these scenarios in my head of what could happen, and it's always more than one scenario. So the idea of being behind the wheel as my mind goes through those scenarios detail by agonizing and scary detail is torture and terrifying for me. I've driven my mom's old car before, three times and each time my heart varied between stopping and thumping at a speed that's probably not healthy. That was months ago. I haven't gotten behind the wheel after that, and each time my mom asks, I say no.

I had a job at K-Mart last year. I lasted 3 months and loved what I did most of the time. Maybe that's because I worked in the shoe department and that's a complete girl thing. At the time K-Mart wasn't in control of the shoe department, it was another company that just signed a lease with K-Mart to sell under their store name. So I didn't have to use a cash register, which relieved me more than you can imagine. I didn't have to do anything but organize the shoes, which trust me, wasn't as easy as it sounds, and I had to help customers find the shoe they wanted, the size and such. And I'm pretty horrible with communication but it helped that problem a bit, not that it does much good for me now cause I'm back into my old distant ways.

I lost my job on the last day of my, what they called, 3 month training. Because after 3 months you have to file 3 warnings in order to be fired, if you've been working for less than 3 months than you can get fired off the spot, no warning required. That's what happened to me. My supervisor told her boss that I wasn't fast enough with my job, that I didn't work and that she caught me with my cell phone out once. The first reason was only partially true, I had my slow days and had my fast. The second wasn't true at all because I'd forget to take my lunch until my shift was almost over already. The third reason was true because that one time was an emergency.

I almost pointed out to my supervisor that she had her cell phone out twice in front of me, once to call her daughter and tell her a song that she loved was on when we weren't on break. And the second to text someone. I didn't point it out though, I was too crushed to speak. My mother spoke for me because she too worked at K-Mart at the time.

Losing my job just made me feel like a failure, it still does because I enjoyed what I did because it was perfect for me. I hate cash registers because I know that if I use one I'll screw up the entire purchase of a customer each time and they seem to complex to figure out for me. I'm not saying I'm stupid because I know I'm not. Deep down I know I'm not. But I feel like I am sometimes because I do know that I couldn't work a cash register correctly, when thousands of people my age can. So I haven't gotten a job because I'm afraid to fail, which in turn makes me already a failure. Even I know that because it's only logical. Yet I can't find the strength to go out there and try, I can't find the courage.

I am a coward. I am a failure. I am weak. And I am scared. I'm talentless, dreamless, hopeless....I wish I could add fearless to that less list but I can not. I'm sitting here already scared because I'm finally putting these words down on my screen. I'm finally making the words that were only thoughts before official. And it scares me to my core.

I don't know where I am going, I don't know what I want to do, and I don't know where I can go with my life. It seems like such a waste, my life. But I stay for several reasons. My mother, my brothers, my family, my new found family, my friends and to endure every second of my life because I believe I should.

I probably sound whiny. Maybe I am. But I promised nothing but absolute truth in this post. And absolute truth is what my readers will get from now on. So continue to read if you like, if you want to read the ramblings and thoughts and opinions of a talentless failure that calls herself a Gypsy Lady.

"The greatest enemy of any one of our truths may be the rest of our truths." ~William James

"Truth is no Doctoresse, she takes no degrees at Paris or Oxford... but oftentimes to such an one as myself, an Idiota or common person, no great things, melancholizing in woods where waters are, quiet places by rivers, fountains, whereas the silly man expecting no such matter, thinketh only how best to delectate and refresh his mynde continually with Natura her pleasaunt scenes, woods, water-falls, or Art her statelie gardens, parks, terraces, Belvideres, on a sudden the goddesse herself Truth has appeared, with a shyning lyghte, and a sparklyng countenance, so as yee may not be able lightly to resist her." ~Charles Lamb

Twitter and Why I Use It

October 13, 2009


Twitter. Such a beautiful and unique website, tool, place, whatever you want to call it. I am addicted. Once I get internet on my computers I'll be able to do a lot more with it. Hopefully. I really do enjoy it, the applications for it seem interesting. I can't wait to get a Blackberry so I can get the application for that. I like trying to figure out how to work something, technology, that it. I'm not much for a Rubix cube, I feel like throwing that thing against a wall or throwing it on the floor and smashing it with a hammer whenever I try to fix the damn thing.



Off subject, again. It won't be the last probably. Back to Twitter. So far I've talked with some interesting people. Only a fair few that I talk with regularly such as @XRoger_Cx and @Intel_Eric and @DrJays and @Michelangelo200 and @Sveta_1990 and a few more whose names I might mention when I remember later. I'm horrible with names. Oh and @JerryJClarke as well. I talk with those people the most I think. And I like them. They are very interesting to me. Different people on a site that hosts millions of people, a site that gave me these people to talk with, these people that I deem as interesting and kind. (And I really hope they don't mind my using their names cause I didn't ask if I could.)




I'm a picky person when it comes to people. When I follow someone it's either because they have a good cause they are promoting or a business I like. Or people I find them interesting and maybe a bit intriguing. If I'm in a very good mood though, I follow someone because they were kind enough to follow me in the first place. But it's not an often moment for me.





Why do I Twitter? Many people have asked me this. I only say a fragment of the truth and not the whole. I first started Tweeting because I had nothing else better to do. Really. I am not even kidding. I don't work, and do not, as of yet, go to school. So I was bored and decided when I was in San Diego on vacation, I was going to get onto Twitter and figure out why it was so popular. I had first gotten my account in May and I tweeted once and didn't see what the big deal was. So I didn't log into my account or anything until September this year. When I was in California I got wireless internet on my laptop because a friend had it at her house. So I logged on, changed my username from MysticGypsy to @Gypsyladyamber for some reason that I don't know. I set it all up, my bio and avatar and looked celebs up because no one I knew had an account at that time, well that I knew of. So I followed them and they brought other people to my attention and I really got into talking to people and then reading articles they tweeted and so on.




The truth is I now tweet because one- I do have nothing to do besides write and clean. Two- I enjoy reading things that are tweeted. Three- I like the people on there so far. and the biggest reason- I LOVE that Twitter offers a world of various people with various differences from myself and other on Twitter. It's kind of hard to explain. Twitter is an odd thing for me, because I am horrible with talking to strangers in reality, but Twitter makes it easy for me to talk with others and get to know them. Am I saying this clearly?




Twitter seems to come up with something for EVERYBODY! It's amazing and brilliant. It really is. You can find people with the same interests or the opposite. You can find people with causes, people who do things that mean something to them. People with business, public speakers, authors, actors, Social Media experts, hard labor workers who love life, doctors...I could really go on and on but why not see for yourself? Twitter really is brilliant.



I may not be there for the best reason or be the most popular on there or anything like that, I believe in Twitter and it's power and benefits. I mean you find out about things faster than you do the TV News channels! About charities, causes, people, meetings, new technology, problems with the world and things in it and so much more. Twitter users help their friends on there, it's astounding how many benefits and amazing little details and magnificent people are on Twitter!!!




If you don't have an account, get one and try it for 2 months, because it took me less than that time to figure out what Twitter is about. Though there is always MORE too!

Paranormal Activity

October 7, 2009

No subject. I have none for this blog. I didn't exactly plan to do a blog today. But today is such a slow day that I figured I'd write something. Because I mean, writing just kinda let's things out of you that you didn't really know you had in you to say, or well type. So I’m going to go on about the first thing that pops into my mind about today which is- Ah. Got it.

Paranormal activity.

Simple as that. And yet it is not. It fascinates me, intrigues me and captures my attention. Especially today. Let me tell you why…

I’m a Tweeter. Not as in a bird. Though I could try to tweet as one but I’d probably sound like a cat throwing up. Not pretty eh? I’m a Tweeter as in Twitter. I’m addicted and love it for many different reasons. One being- it brings many different people to my attention. I’m picky as hell when it comes to people to follow. But this one woman in Scotland captured my attention.

The night before I had heard noises in my home right as I lay down to bed and then tweeted about it. A follower therefore suggested paranormal activity. I don’t think it is. It’s probably just pipes, wind blowing branches against the house and animals. But trust me; I would love it if I did have an entity in my home, as long of course it didn’t threaten personal safety. Or scare the shit out of me. Because I mean, who wants that if you have to live with it all the time?

But this said follower retweeted what I said and one of her followers saw it and started talking to me. She believes her house has paranormal activity. And she is frightening by a few of her experiences, and it's not just her who's had them. I told her to take a few pictures at night with her camera and to record the night with a camcorder and go through it after wards. I also asked if she looked up her house's history and according to her she did and it had a not so picture-pretty history.

Then I went and looked up some Paranormal Investigative Groups that TAPS (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) had recommended for Scotland, because this woman is from Scotland. I gave her the names and contact information because she asked me to help her finding some help. I wasn’t about to turn her asking of help when she was frightened.

It’s sad how close-minded people can be about such things. She told me I’d been the first to take her seriously. Now I don’t have any proof this paranormal activity is real, I don’t know if what she says is true but I’m a pretty open-minded person to such things, so I’m going to take her word for it that she believes it’s happening.

This woman, whom I will not name since I’ve no permission to, told me she would keep me updated and I sincerely hope she does because I am interested in how it goes.

Now- I am not, by any means, an expert with the Paranormal, I’ve had no experience or skill with such things. But I’d like to learn. In fact I’d love to learn. I watch Ghost Hunters every Wednesday, well almost every Wednesday, I sometimes miss it. So I remember a few of the methods, gadgets and such that they do use.

Personally, I do believe that there are unexplained things how there that we are not meant to understand fully. But why should that stop us from trying? Why should we leave it be? If I had paranormal activity in my house I’d sit there talking to whatever is there. I don’t care if people think that’s crazy, stupid, immature or anything like that. I’m interested in it. Probably always will be.

There’s a Paranormal investigation at a supposedly “Haunted” hotel around my area every year for people who are interested. It’s a little over $250 to participate but I think I’ll do it next year when I get the money to do it. Yes, yes I think I will. Like I said in the beginning, it fascinates me. To think that souls either are left behind or choose to stay behind or just simply are. There are so many theories to why entities are on Earth. And I find them all so intriguing and almost genius.

Why can’t there be entities here? We humans are here are we not? Animals, plants, insects (as disgusting as most of them are) and all sort of other things. So why the bloody hell not Ghosts?

“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” – Hamlet, Shakespeare