I Am Disgusted With Myself

Disgusted. That's one word I very rarely use, and I've never associated it with myself. But today....Ah today I have and am. I am disgusted with myself and very disappointed in myself.

I went to my first Doctors appointment today, just to meet my Doctor and give her my medical history. But they, of course, but you on one of those bloody weight scales that I'm sure EVERYONE hates unless it's positive numbers. My number was not, however, positive.

I weigh 184 damn pounds. And I'm outraged, disappointed and disgusted. I've never been so big before. I was 140 or so pounds in October last year and to know that I gained that much weight in 3 months is outrageous and terrible for myself.

Now I'm not saying that I look down on those who are my weight or bigger, because I don't. I just don't approve and believe that they should try to limit their food intake and try to loose some of those pounds because it's not healthy at all to be so big.

But now, it's my turn. For the past few years I've been around 140-160 pounds, on and off. Now it's 184 and I can't stand it. I feel unhealthy, unattractive and disgusting. I don't want to be 110 pounds or even 120, though I'm sure that would be awesome. 130 is ideal for my age. I'm tall so I'm sure I'd look good with that amount of weight and still have some lovely curves.

To reach said ideal weight and goal I'd have to lose 50 pounds. I can to that in 5 months. Can't I? To do this I have to cut out meat, candy, soda, ice creams (though I don't eat it anyway so no problem there,) chocolate (no problem with milk chocolate but dark chocolate I do have a problem with,) cereal, and any other foods/drinks/snacks that make you gain weight as you eat them.

I don't eat chips so I have no problem. The meat is going to be hard because I love meat on my pizza. Soda isn't a problem since I haven't been drinking much of it lately anyways, though I will splurge on root beer. And I use Sierra Mist for my virgin mimosa's but my Nan said Sierra Mist is okay to have since I use so little of it.

Candy won't be a problem since my Nan buys the most nasty candy around, let's hoe that doesn't change! Ice cream is no problem at all because I very rarely eat it. Dark chocolate however, will be a challenge. :( Cereal will be hard as well since I love it, especially Peanut Butter Captain Crunch, which is weird since I hate peanut butter with a passion.

Imagine me sighing right now. And then imagine me punching walls everyday without Dark Chocolate. Although I've read that a little Dark Chocolate everyday, but not too much, it actually beneficial for you so I might be covered there. :)

My Nan is going on a diet with me though, so it might help. She's a sweets freak too so who knows? For me it's salads, Lean Cuisine meals, fruits, juices and walking up and down the stairs 10 times fast each morning, afternoon and night. Oh and LOTS of water.

If any of you have any tips on losing weight, tell me. I will greatly appreciate it.

Oh and since I'm on the subject of changes, bodily, that is. I should tell you that I got a new acne kit. Well my Nan got it for me. I've had bad acne since the 7th grade and it's just getting worse. I was going to order Proactive but my Nan went into the mall and found an actual Avon store, how cool is that? Well we saw an acne system and the store had a deal. Buy one whole kit for $34.00 and get a travel kit, free. So since the travel kit is smaller, I'm trying that and will see if it works in a week, as guaranteed and if not we'll take it back and get Nan's money back. If it works-FINALLY!

So that's my list of bodily changes, let's hope they both become changed soon.